Living in Limbo
by luverofthings
Summary: Was this real life? Or is this just fantasy?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: No spoilers or speculations for the finale in this. I literally had this idea ringing through my head Wednesday. Thank you Kathleen and AnnMarie for the moral support**

"Jax! What are you doing here?!" He was startled awake by a voice he thought he would never hear again, her hands wrapped around his shoulders shaking him.

He hesitated opening his eyes because he didn't want it to not be real. But he did, very slowly. When he finally did, he felt the lump that had almost become permanent form in his throat again. The tears sprang to his eyes, "Tara?" he gasped out. God he had missed her so much. She was so fucking beautiful. And she was his. Or she had been before….

She was panicked, "Why are you here, Jax? What about the boys? My babies! You have to go back and take care of my babies!" She began shaking him violent. Like she was trying to shake him awake from a terrible dream.

This couldn't be… She was gone. He had learned that hard truth in the most heart wrenching way possible. But he could see her clear as day. Her green eyes, wide and alert. Her hair longer. He had to touch her.

Moving his arms out, knocking her hands away, he pulled her down on top of him, wrapping his arms tightly around her, "Jesus Christ," he sobbed with joy, "I've missed you so much babe." He kissed her head, her face, and any part of her he could reach with his arms wound so tightly around her shoulders. "I love you, Tara. I never showed you that enough. It's going to be different this time, babe. I promise. I love you so fucking much," he wept into her hair.

He felt Tara begin to push away from him, "We don't have time for this Jax. What are you doing here?! What happened to you? You can't leave the boys alone, Jax. They are just babies. You have to go back for them!"

"The boys are better off without me," he admitted sadly, "Without you, I can't even look at them. Abel knows, or at least a part of, what happened to you," his voice broke, his hands moving to her hair tilting her face so that he could look into her eyes, "Thomas, he reminds me so much of you. I know I was a shit husband, and I'm an even worse father. I just can't do this shit without you."

Tears began to roll down her cheeks, "You'll figure it out baby. You did when I left for college…."

"It's not even fucking close to the same, Tara," he barked out in a bitter laugh.

"I know, but you can't stay here, baby," she pleaded with him, "You have to go back," he saw her look up at something over his head. He didn't care what it was, he just kept his eyes focused on her, "We're running out of time…." She whispered, then looked down at him again, "Jackson, I just need you to close your eyes," she had leaned down closer to him her fingers comfortably stroking his beard, kissing him reassuringly, "when you wake up again, you should be back home."

Sadly she smiled down at him, "I love you too, Jax. I miss you more than you can imagine, but you can't stay here," he wiped the tears that rolled down her cheeks off. She leaned down to kiss him again, "Please close your eyes, baby."

He finally did as she asked, and she started counting down to herself, "Twenty, nineteen, eighteen, seventeen…"

The shrill scream and crying of a newborn suddenly filled the air, breaking the calm atmosphere.

"I got her, mom," the deep baritone of a male rang through the air next, "Gracie! Could you get a bottle ready?!"

"UGH!" An exasperated groan filled the air, from what sounded like a 7 or 8 year old female, "You're the one who offered to get Sammy! Why do I have to help you, Nathaniel Teller?!" she demanded.

"Because you love your sister, Grace Teller!" the deep baritone voice shot back, in only the manner a teenager could deliver.

By this time Jax's eyes had snapped back open, wide with shock and wonder, and he was sitting up on his elbows. Tara was crying softly, with her head ducked so he couldn't see her face or eyes, "What the hell is going on, babe?"

The clock she had been looking at over Jax's head, began to toll out, "It's too late," she sobbed out, "We're out of time…."

**A/N: This may be a difficult to understand story, I am going to warn in advance. It may have ideas and concepts that some of you may find hard to consume and deal with, but this is what rang through my head the other day.**


	2. Chapter 2

Jax looked at Tara expectantly, waiting for her to explain. He had looked around the room they were in and immediately recognized it as their bedroom in his house. It's where she felt the safest. With him. It looked a little cleaner, neater, and softer.

The sound of a baby crying broke through the air again, "It's okay Sammy," the male voice soothed, "Let's change your diaper and get you cleaned up."

Tara smiled as she listened to the teenager speaking, then looked at a confused Jax. She reached out and took his hand, smiling at the wedding ring he still wore. She lifted it to her lips and kissed it gently, "I know you're confused. You'll understand more if you come with me."

He nodded his head in agreement, standing when she pulled him towards the door. He was struck with the memory of the day she was released from jail. He was an asshole and slept with the madam that Tara would later beat the shit out of. She tugged on his arm in an attempt to lead him out the door, but was surprised when he tugged her back to him, released her hand, took her face between his hands and kissed her deeply. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers, "Whatever happens next, I need you to know that I love you."

Resting her hands on top of his, "I love you too Jackson," she assured him smiling softly, "Just please come with me."

Again she began leading him out of the bedroom and into the nursery. Standing in front of what Jax knew to be a changing table was a male who looked to be almost as tall as himself, dirty blond shaggy hair, pants sagging, white t-shirt and white Nike's. Jax's breath caught in his throat. The feeling of familiarity struck him. Like he just knew who this was. The figure turned around, holding a gurgling baby in his arm.

"See I told you she was coming Sammy," Nathaniel Teller cooed to his baby sister.

Tara walked over to Nathaniel, taking Samantha in her arms, "Let's go eat a bit," she bounced her gently and walked out of the room leaving Jax and Nathaniel by themselves.

Jax stared wide-eyed at the boy in front of him, speechless.

"Hey pops, quit looking at me like that," Nathaniel cringed under the scrutiny, "You can call me Nate. We've been waiting for you," he extended his hand out to for Jax to shake.

Choking back on the tears that had formed, Jax took the hand offered and pulled the kid, who he had come to realize was his son into a tight embrace, slapping him hard on the back a few times, before grabbing the back of his head and pulling him even tighter to him. Almost like he was holding on for dear life.

Nate began squirming, "Ugh, pops, I can't breathe."

Jax quickly released him then wiped the tears that fell from his eyes away with his thumbs, "Yeah, sorry about that," he choked out gruffly, "It's just…"

"No worries," Nate assured him, "I get it." He gestured to the door, "Mom's probably in the kitchen if you want to…"

"Yeah, yeah," Jax agreed. Walking down the hall towards the kitchen they heard happy voices and laughter. A little pair of legs carrying a flurry of long curly dark brown hair came flying down the hall, launched themselves into the air forcing Jax to catch her before she hurt him or herself.

"Hi daddy! I'm Grace!" she squealed hugging him tightly around the neck, "Mommy said, you'd be here soon!" then she forced him to set her down and began tugging on his hand to follow her into the kitchen. He looked at the little girl and recognized her as all Tara. He didn't quite feel the same connection as he had with Nate, Abel or Thomas, but felt the need to protect and love her all the same.

Grace pulled on his hand until he was in the kitchen. The same kitchen he found Tara dead in. His eyes moved to that spot, and he could feel his chest attempt to tighten up on him. He shook his head to clear the image of Tara's cold lifeless body lying on the linoleum.

"Jax," he heard Tara call his name. He looked at her, "Don't…" she soothed, smiling. He knew she meant don't think about that. He smiled softly back at her, moving towards her, he leaned into her so that he could kiss her. She understood, and kissed him back softly. His hand moving to the pink bundle that she held. Short stubby arms and legs just a moving in excitement. He let one of the groping hands latch on to his finger, as the tears came again. He knew who this was too. He didn't have to be told this was his daughter. One arm wrapping around Tara, the other around the baby, he leaned down and kissed his daughter's head.

"You want to…?" Tara prodded.

Jax agreed nodding his head 'yes,' and smiled a tear filled watery smile. Tara gently passed Samantha to her father, "Jackson Teller, this is your daughter, Samantha," she said softly, as she looked at Jax and Sam proudly and lovingly.

Swaying gently, he walked over to the kitchen table and slowly sat in one of the chairs, careful not to jostly the baby.

"Here you go, daddy!" Grace handed him a bottle proudly. "Isn't she pretty? She's like one of my baby dolls!" Grace squealed.

Jax looked at his daughter, Grace, saying, "She gets it from her momma and sister."

"Nate did you get all the garbage together and take it to the curb?" Tara asked the teenager.

"Ugh," he groaned, "Noo….. Why do I have to?"

"It's that, the dishes or laundry… Take your pick," Tara smiled at him.

"Fine," he mumbled out, slouched his shoulders and sulked around to do his chores.

Tara waited until Nate was out of earshot, and walked over to sit across from Jax and Sammy, "I know you probably have a lot of questions. I'll explain what I can tonight."

He looked up briefly from admiring Samantha, "Take your time, babe," he assured her smiling.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Nate spoke loudly as he came closer to the house.

"Nate? What is it?" Tara asked standing up quickly.

"He's back!" he exclaimed charging through the house, grabbing something from the closet in the hall, then charging back outside. Jax turned his head in time to see his teenage son charging outside with a baseball bat in anger.

"Woah! Woah!" Jax shot up, startling the baby, who began fussing. Tara quickly took the baby out of his arms, "Who's back?" he caught up to Nate before he hit the door.

Jax was taken aback by the rage he saw boiling behind his oldest son's blue-green eyes. The violent protective streak had been passed down to another member of the Teller family.

"Some psycho jerk who's been saying Gracie is his… Uncle Opie and I have told him several times to back the hell away but…."

That's all Jax needed to hear before he was out the door, Nate a few feet behind him, "Dad! Here!" he tried to hand his dad the ball bat, but Jax just scoffed at it.

"This is the part of me your mom REALLY hates," Jax stormed past Nate, hands balled up at his sides all the tension and hate he ever felt for the man he knew was trying to harass his family again, all draining into his hands. He spit out, "Have your mom call Opie then you stay by that door and swing at anything or anyone who tries to get to your mom and sisters."

It didn't take long at all for Jax to find the car he was looking for, even though he had no idea what kind of car he was looking for. He tapped on the window lightly to get the attention of the stalker/driver. Once he did, and the driver, Kohn twisted his head to look at him, Jax pulled his arm back and punched a hole through the window, and pulled Kohn out of the broken window, through him on the pavement of the road, and held him down with his knee on Kohn's chest. He did smirk a little when he thought he heard Kohn gasp, "Oh shit," when he saw Jax. "STAY" FWAP of a fist to the face, "AWAY" another, "FROM" another, "MY" another, "FAMILY and another, Jax bit out through clenched teeth.

"Just wanna see my daughter…" Kohn managed to gasp out.

Grabbing him up by his now bloodied shirt collar, Jax brought him up closer to him, so that they were nose to nose, "Leave MY DAUGHTER and MY WIFE alone," he growled low and deep, his nose and lips flaring, "I don't want to have this conversation again, you got me?" Jax raised his eyebrows for emphasis, twisting the collar of his shirt a bit to tighten around his windpipe, "I put you down once, and that was before I put a bullet in my own mother's head for hurting my wife and family," Jax chuckled and smirked at the shock and terror that lite up Kohn's eyes, "Come at them again, see what happens."

"But…" Kohn attempted to choke out but Jax reared his head back and snapped it forward quickly letting his forehead connect with Kohn's affectively rendering him unconscious. Releasing Kohn's shirt, he let his unconscious body hit the pavement. Jax stood up and rolled his neck a few times, then stopped too look at the person that he saw in his peripheral-vision.

"Well it's nice to see being president hasn't made you soft, brother," Opie greeted.

** AN: Well? I know it may be confusing but just keep bearing with me people :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I can't believe this is the final Teller Tuesday. I know I will be bawling my eyes out of my head.**

Before stepping over Kohn's unconscious, Jax looked down at him in disgust, pushed the long hair that had fallen onto his face back, and spat a wad of spit on Kohn's bloodied face. Stepping over him, Jax walked the few feet to Opie.

Opie had dug into the pocket of his kutte and pulled a pack of smokes out. He offered the pack to Jax, "Thanks."

"He hasn't be fucking with her," Opie, put the cigarette between his lips, and flicked the zippo he carried with him to light the flame then gestured to Kohn as he exhaled the smoke he had inhaled, "At least as long as I've been here. Didn't start 'til Doc…"

"Thanks for protecting them..." Jax cut him off gruffly, not wanting to think about that.

Opie nodded his head in acknowledgment, "Your boy's a fucking beast… definitely a mini-Jax," he chuckled, "Pop and I had to stop him from beating that asshole to a pulp.

"Piney?" Jax asked, blowing out the smoke that was in his lungs.

"Yep," Opie replied.

"If he's here too, does that mean…?"

"In the house with Tara and the kids. It was a fucking trip when I got here," Opie remembered, "I came to in our bed. Donna and the old man were waiting for me. She was watching cartoons with a boy. Lyla and my boy. She wasn't even mad at me…" he shook his head chuckling.

"It's good to see you, brother," Jax slapped Opie on the back, "After what happened to you in Stockton…" he choked on the words.

"I know brother," Opie patted his shoulder, "I'm sorry about what went down with Tara and your mom."

Swallowing thickly with watery eyes, Jax said, "Never thought I'd have to do that."

"All that shit's over with," Opie assured.

Jax nodded his head in agreement. He looked around his familiar street. He saw a few of the neighbors that he hadn't seen in a while. "You think he's gonna try again?" Jax nudged his head in Kohn's direction.

"I know he will," Opie stated vehemently, "But I think I've got an idea as to how to contain him."

"Let's do it," Jax agreed immediately.

"Dad?" Nate spoke from behind them as he looked past them to the broken glass and bloodied and unconscious body of Kohn, "Is there anything I can do?" he asked uncertainly.

Jax quickly turned at the question. He was still taken aback by this teenage boy calling him 'dad'. And he didn't want his son to see this. Wasn't 'this' what Tara was trying to keep the boys away from? Why she was ripped from the other world? Looking down at Kohn, then back up to his son, he ran a hand down his face and across his beard, "Ah," he walked away from Kohn towards Nate, and clapped him on the shoulder, "I don't think he will be bothering your sister and mom anymore. Thank you for being the man of the house well I wasn't here."

Opie, with a small smirk on his face, watched proudly as his best friend did the thing he never thought he would see him do. He walked away from the situation.

Jax smiled shyly as he saw Tara looking at him from the yard. She walked towards him, lifted her hands to his face but was cut short by her daughter. She laughed happily as Grace sprinted towards Jax again and threw herself into the air forcing him to catch her.

"DADDY!" She squealed happily.

He laughed choking back a sob of joy at the greeting, "Hey baby girl," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

Grace looked over her daddy's shoulder and past Uncle Opie, "Who's that man, daddy?"

Jax turned to look at what exactly she could see from her vantage point. To his annoyance, he saw that Kohn had somehow managed to come to, and was standing there staring at them. He felt a hand tug on his sleeve. He looked back to see Tara looking paralyzed. He hefted Grace to one side of his body and pulled Tara into the other.

"That's nobody baby. He's just a bit confused," he kissed her head and Tara's, "You see him around again, you tell daddy, okay?"

A shiver ran through his body. This conversation reminded him of the conversation he had with Abel when Abel told him he heard grandma telling Thomas that 'killing mommy was an accident'.

"Okay daddy," she smiled happily at him, "Do I tell mommy and Uncle Opie and Uncle Piney and Nate and Grandpa JT too?

Jax chuckled at the inquisition, "Yeah, you can tell all of them too…. Wait? Grandpa JT?"

** AN: Some of you have figured out who all these kids are :) Just trying to keep you your toes :)**


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you remember the summer of '99? The summer before senior year?" Tara asked her head resting comfortably on Jax's chest. He had one arm wrapped around her and the other hand held her free hand, his whiskers ghosting across her fingers, laying gentle kisses across the surface.

Donna and Opie offered to watch the kids for a few hours, as they knew that Tara had to fill Jax in on a few things.

He made a noise indicating he did.

"We had a very chaotic relationship that summer. One week we were going at it like rabbits, the next week I couldn't even stand to be around you."

He chuckled at the memory.

"The last weekend of July, Todd Harris was having a party and you really wanted to go. I told you I didn't feel well and that my stomach was cramping bad. You got pissed off at me, and took that skank Candy Fischer with you," she explained. She felt him tense up at the memory.

"Babe…. What does that…." He cut her off. He fucked up. A lot. He knew that.

"Please let me finish…. What also accompanied those cramp I was having was bleeding. Heavy bleeding. Clotting," she choked on tears for a minute, "I was having a miscarriage."

"Jesus christ…." He choked out, pulling her in closer to his side. He kissed the top of her head. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't realize that was what was going on. Not until I had gotten older and understood things more. Anyway, that's our son, Nate."

He kissed her head again, "love you so much babe."

She continued her story, "Grace is the abortion I had after Kohn. It wasn't her, at all. I couldn't be tied to him that way," she paused and looked at him, "Are you alright accepting her as your own?"

"Just like you love and accepted Abel as yours, I accepted **_our _**daughter the second she called me daddy," he assured her, "She's a part of you, that's all that matters."

She looked up at him, laying her index finger on his bearded chin, "Thank you," she said honestly. "Our baby girl, Samantha….. I lost her when I went to jail during that whole Toric/Otto thing… I had an inkling that I was pregnant before they came and arrested me…. I just…." She had to stop to clear her throat, "I got into a fight with my cell mate the first night…. There was blood everywhere…."

Pulling her tighter to him, "I'm so fucking sorry, babe," he gasped out. "I promised you the world…. But in the end all I got you was dead babies and a horrific ending at the hands of my own fucking mother."

She snuggled in closer to him, "I'm sorry you had to go through all that, baby. I could see it all, all that you went through. You've told me in the past that me loving you made me do and say crazy things. The same thing can be said about you. The things you did, baby, they scared the shit out of me. All I wanted to do was hold you, tell you you didn't have to do it, that I was right there with you, loving you. I wanted to yell at you to please pay attention to our boys," all the thoughts and emotions she went through began to pour out of her, "They were, and are, hurting too. You ignored Thomas! He was crying right in front of you and you couldn't even spare a glance in his direction," the anger she felt towards him coming out. She had pushed herself away from him and was now laying on her back looking up at the ceiling.

"Babe," he tried to interrupt her, to pull her back to him. But she shrugged him off.

"For God's sake Jax, you let your mother take my children to a fucking whore house! You let Abel HURT himself just so he got your attention, because you were too busy fucking whores and exacting your own version of justice!"

"GOD DAMMIT TARA!" he bellowed through the room. "I fucked up! I know I did! But I lost you! I mean I literally lost you! My wife, the woman I loved for nearly half my fucking life had been MURDERED in our own fucking kitchen! Because of fucking club bullshit! That was even before I found out it was my own fucking mother who did it! I tortured and killed a man that my mother said did it! And she didn't bat a fucking eyelash at framing him!" by this time he had gotten up and was pacing in the small area that was their bedroom. His buried his fists deeply into his blonde hair, "Do you have any idea what it's like hearing your 5 year old tell you that grandma killed mommy? Realizing that either everything you had been told was a lie or that your sweet and innocent child was so emotionally traumatized over that same loss that you had been dealing with that he was now making shit up about someone who loved him…"

She had now sat up on the bed and was leaning against the headboard, tears running down her face.

"And then slowly coming to the realization that the one person you spent all your life depending on, had been lying to your face for the last 2 months. That the monster your wife had accused you of becoming was now being encouraged and fed by the woman who was supposed love you the most. That the poison that had tainted your life for the last 20 years was coming from the person who literally gave you life…" he sat down on the end of the bed, his voice raw and rough.

"She didn't even have the courage to face me… I loved her… She is or was my mom, how could I not? But she hurt you… Took you away from me.. and the boys.. I could've just let her run…. But then the boys never would have been free of her or the club… I didn't want to pull the trigger…." He sobbed into his hands. His breathing became even more ragged and heavy when he felt her wrap her arms around him from behind.

"I know it killed you baby. She always thought it was easy for you to do that….. She told me once that you loved deep and hated deeper… What she never understood was that your soul is marred with all the violence, you didn't like doing it, but it was what you were good at," she soothed. "You know that even through all that shit, all that I know and knew you had done, that I love you despite all that. That I never stopped?"

He sobbed into his hands for awhile longer, her laying her cheek against his back.

"Has she been here?" he asked after a few minutes.

He positioned himself so he could lay back down again, Tara snuggled back into his chest, kissing what parts of each other they could in comfort.

"Op and Piney say that she is in her own special part of this place with Clay and Unser," Tara answered.

Jax snorted out a laugh.

"You're sure Wendy is straight enough to take care of the boys?" Tara asked next.

Jax hesitated in answering, "I wasn't really around her all that much, I admit, but she is clean, for now anyway. And I do know that Nero will do everything he can to make sure they are safe…" he assured her.

Tara accepted that, albeit a bit grudgingly, "Your dad and Tommy will stop by tomorrow. They wanted to give you a bit of time to adjust…"

He tensed up under her, "What's wrong, baby?"

"I haven't seen either of them for over 15 years…." He took a deep breath, "What if I disappoint them? What if I didn't turn out like they expected…"

"They know you and love you, Jax," she assured him, "They've been watching you for years."

"That's not creepy at all," he joked.

She just chuckled at him.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Wendy and…." He said solemly.

"You've always been a manwhore," Tara said bluntly, "Besides it couldn't have meant that much too you, or else you wouldn't have ended up here the next day…."


	5. Chapter 5

Leaning back in the plastic patio chair, Jax lifted a cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply. His 13-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter laughed and chased each other around the back yard. His 3-month-old daughter sat in her swing gurgling and playing with her feet happily by herself. He sat far enough away from her that she wouldn't inhale any of the toxic smoke.

If you knew Jax Teller, you knew that the state he was in now was a very rare thing. He was a bundle of nerves. The constant hand going through his long blonde hair, then moving down to tweak the end of his goatee. His leg steadily bouncing. Not being able to sit still for more than a few minutes at a time.

Tara set the jeans she was folding down in the clothes basket and walked out the partially open sliding glass door. She walked up behind him and placed a reassuring kiss on the top of his head, "Hey baby, how are you doing?"

He looked up at her with a startled expression on his face, but then broke into a soft smile. He had been here merely a day and he still hadn't gotten his mind wrapped around it. Being here in this other ethereal plane. Tara, the love of his life, his wife, being here, waiting for him. With the children they had lost, even if he didn't know they had lost them.

He took her hand and pulled her to move around the chair to, guiding her to sit on his lap. She smiled shyly as she sat, his free hand tossing the cigarette butt into the outdoor ashtray that sat not too far from the chair. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, "I'm still getting used to all this…" he admitted.

She kissed his face, "I know the adjustment is hard," she rested her cheek on the top of his head, as he held her.

"I'm just lucky you're letting me hold you after last night," he sighed.

_Tara was showing Jax how they checked in on the people they cared about. She explained that thinking about someone is what triggered the images, videos or recaps of the events in their loved ones lives. Also if someone thought about those that had passed, whatever they were doing would also appear._

_They settled onto the couch, having just made sure the children were down for the night. He pulled her to him so that he could hold her close. Nuzzling her face into t-shirt clad chest, he wrapped one arm around her holding the other hand in his. Tara chuckled softly to herself, who would ever imagine that big badass Jackson Teller was a snuggler?_

_"So I just think of something," he said and on the TV screen in front of them up popped an image of their boys. 5 year old Abel feeding a golden retriever by pouring a bowl of dog food, he was surrounded by haystacks. They watched as Abel gently patted the dog's soft fur. "And we see what is happening?"_

_Jax smiled softly and teary eyed at the screen. He didn't have to see Tara's face to know that she had the same expression._

_They watched as Abel looked up at hearing his name being called, "Ab! Ab!" a toddler's voice screeched out excitedly. Tara gasped as she watched her son, little Thomas Teller, toddle his way to his big brother, his chubby little legs just a moving._

_"My babies walking," Tara said in awe, she felt Jax kiss the top of her head._

_They watched as Wendy ran behind him, trying to catch up to him, "Tommie! You can't just take off like that…" she was chastising him, like he even cared what she was talking about. She put her hand to her head, trying to catch her breath. How did Tara do this while being pregnant and a doctor on call all the time?_

_"Yo Abel it's time to feed the chickens, kid!" Nero yelled into the barn._

_"Bye Tommie!" Abel turned and ran off to help Nero, Thomas trying to follow._

_"No you don't kid…." Wendy steered him in the other direction, "you don't get along with the chickens yet."_

_Then the screen suddenly flashed to a nearly naked brown haired woman, who was being fucked by a balding, beer bellied old man who was sweating profusely, from behind. With each rough thrust she clenched her jaw, presumable wishing this would be over with._

_"Are you fucking kidding me?" Tara growled in anger and tried to pull away but Jax held her still._

_"I didn't have anything to do with that!" he insisted, "I was NOT thinking about her! As a matter of fact, when I was with her, all I thought about was YOU!" he promised._

_"I'm aware," she growled, pushing away from him, "I got a front row seat to that." She picked up the remote and shut the TV off, "I saw a lot of things I didn't want to see. Ever." She stood up and walked into the kitchen. He followed her. "Every time you thought about me, I saw what you were doing. Gemma thought about me a lot too. Every conversation she had with you, every lie she told you, I saw. Every lie she told the kids, I saw," she was sitting at the kitchen table, and he had sat across from her. "After so long I stopped checking in so regularly. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't worry about that anymore. I love and miss Abel and Thomas more than I can even express," she choked back a sob of sadness, "but I have our kids here to take care of."_

"I was a bit mad about what we saw, but we have plenty of time to be mad at each other here," she dipped her head down to kiss him. He accepted willingly.

"That is so not right," they heard Nate say from across the yard.

Jax chuckled looking at his teenage son.

"Grandpa!" Gracie squealed as she saw JT come around the side of the house to the back yard. She ran full speed to JT just like she had Jax the day before.

JT scooped her up, laughing, "Hey angel," he said kissing her cheek.

Tara stood, allowing Jax to stand too. Tears sprang to his eyes as he took in the men before him.

"Hello son," JT smiled looking at Jax, setting Grace down.

Jax immediately went to his father, pulling him into a tight embrace, "Hey dad," he looked past JT and at his brother.

Thomas smiled at him, "What's up bro?"

Jax released JT and went to Thomas, pulling him into a hug too, "Tommy," Jax sobbed.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry this is not an update, just a clarification.

Jax was **NOT** thinking about Winsome when he was with Tara and her image came up on the screen; she was thinking of him.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm sorry for what I let the Club become," Jax said softly, sitting in the plastic lawn chair, his elbows on his knees. He was sitting next to his father. His brother, daughter and son playing catch. His newborn daughter squealing happily watching them. "That I couldn't get it out of the cesspool that Clay let it become." He couldn't even look at his father, even though that was all he wanted to do.

"Look at me son," JT instructed. At the sternness in his voice, Jax looked up at him. "You are not blameless in all of it, Jackson. But the entirety of it is not on you. The fatal direction the club went is all on Clay. And I hate to say this to you, but on Gemma as well. I saw the things they did. The games played that cost people their lives."

Jax was at a loss for words. Bad things had happened. Very bad things.

"Dwelling on it will help no one, son. In the end, you did what you felt you had to do to make things right. You made the ultimate sacrifice. You gave your life for your boys," JT choked out, his hand resting gently on Jax's shoulder.

Jax nodded his head, tears falling from his eyes, "My life was already over. My wife gave her life for our boys. I just couldn't do any of it without her. There was no point in anything if she wasn't there when I came home at the end of the day."

"You have another chance here. You have a beautiful family. A good woman to love and be loved by. Don't let the past ruin that."

"Technically this is, what," Tara said softly from behind them, looking up to the sky as if pondering the answer, "Your third chance, Teller?"

Looking up at her, Jax wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, "That sounds about right," he agreed, lifting his cheek in a soft smile.

She handed them the cold beers she brought out to them. Jax sat up, accepting the beer, and leaned back. Tara surprised him by sitting on his lap and pushing her fingers through his hair. "It's okay," she whispered to him. He looked up at her and accepted the soft kiss she placed on his lips. Jax let out a very harsh breath. He was still adjusting to everything.

"Tommy's great with the kids," Tara changed the subject.

"He has," JT agreed, "When Nate was growing up, Tommy and I would take him to the ball field and toss the football around. At the end of the day he would help me drop him off with Grace. She'd have dinner ready and would insist that we stay and eat too."

Jax smiled at the thought of his son growing up with his father and brother. Tara smiled at the thought of her mother helping and feeding her son and Jax's father and brother.

Suddenly Tara chuckled out loud.

"What?" Jax asked.

"Just thinking about what Gemma would always say," she said. "'It was the club. You're family.'"

Jax and JT chuckled at the irony too.

In one world Gemma was the 'glue' that kept everything and everyone together. In this world it was JT and Grace who kept them all together.

Gemma had no part of it.

Tara was willing to bet she didn't even know about this side of the 'family'. And she was okay with that.


	8. Chapter 8

_The thick coppery smell of blood filled the air. That should have been his first thought when he opened the front door of his home. But instead his first thought was of seeing his wife one last time before Patterson and Roosevelt came to take him to Stockton. They had been so distance these last few months that he hadn't been able to touch her, kiss her, tell her he loved her, love her or even straight up fuck her without it feeling like she was responding out of wifely duty. Not out of the act of just loving him and showing him in kind. There would be times that he would see the wall she had put up between them crumble momentarily, but then build right back up when she realized it as well._

_"Babe," he yelled out into the quiet house before he hung his kutte up on the jacket hook. Turning to walk into the kitchen, he saw feet and legs on the floor. Feet covered in standard issue Sherriff black shoes and uniform black pants. Withdrawing the gun tucked into his waist band, he cautiously stepped around the corner and accessed his kitchen. The moment his eyes landed on Tara's lifeless form, he dropped his gun. He dug his hands into his hair, let out a blood curdling cry of disbelief, shock, agony, and utter despair._

_His worst fucking nightmare had come to fruition._

_The woman he had loved for the last 15 years of his life was dead. On the floor of the kitchen, in the home they shared together with their sons. The most beautiful creature he had ever met. The heart of pure gold. Who accepted him for everything he was, fuck ups and all. The person who made even him believe in fairy-tale endings, lay in a pool of her own blood on the floor._

_Walking the few steps into the kitchen entirely, he fell to his knees, crawling to his love. Barely able to catch his breath, his heart feeling like it was being squeezed inside his chest, he cradled her one last time._

_"I'm sorry… so sorry baby," he cried into her blood soaked hair_

_"Please no…." he wailed, his arms pulling her tighter to him._

"Jax….. You're having a nightmare…. Wake up baby…" he come to realize he was being jostled. By the sweetest voice he had ever heard.

He rolled over and opened his eyes, sucking in a sharp breath. The overwhelming sensation of complete and utter despair to a sudden change of complete relief and joy taking over his body. Tara was looking down on him, her big green eyes full of concern. She was saying, "Are you okay b…." as he pushed his hand through her hair and brought her towards him so he could kiss her. He overwhelmed her in that moment, causing her to fall back down to her side of the bed. His knees keeping all of his weight off her, his hands went to her shirt, pushing it up his hands cupping her full breasts. She moaned and hissed slightly as he pinched and kneaded them.

"Sorry….. missed you….," he gasped as he moved down her jaw to her neck. Her hands ran up his muscular chest, over his toned shoulders, and stroked his beard lovingly. "Jesus babe….. love you…" he mumbled. He moved down her body quickly, yanking her panties off her legs, draping her legs over his shoulders and began lapping at her. His facial hair scratched her thighs deliciously. Her fingers dug into his hair, yanking the long blond locks tightly as he fucked her with his talented tongue. It didn't take long for her orgasm to overwhelm her, quickly grabbing his pillow, she placed it over her face just as her back arched off the bed, her body shook, and the sharp squeal of satisfaction flew out of her mouth and into the pillow and her cream slide down his tongue.

Before she had time to come back down from her high, the pillow was tossed aside, her t-shirt was pushed up and off her body and Jax was smiling down at her, his beard moist from her.

"Hey," he said softly, his blue eyes twinkling with love. His cock was throbbing with want and need.

Her tiny hand wrapped around him, pumping him firmly, his impressive size still astounding her after all these years. "Are you just gonna put us both out of misery or what?" she questioned why he was waiting.

With permission given, he slid into her, his girth and length fitting snuggly inside her. He slowly pumped into her, savoring the feel of her around him again. But apparently that wasn't good enough, cause then Tara gasped in his ear, "I know it's been awhile baby, but I really need it fast and hard."

Growling at the challenge, he moved his arms under knees, pushing them up so they tucked close to her chest, and he started a brutal pace that had the bed squeaking under the force and his balls slapping wetly against her ass. After several minutes, his sac tightened merely a few seconds before she creamed all over his cock, his mouth absorbing the brutal scream that escaped her mouth. He came hard and fast inside her welcoming womb, the thick spurts of his see coating her inner walls.

Lowering her legs, "Jesus.. Fuck…" he groaned out, gasping gulps of air as he buried his face into her neck. He still stayed deeply inside her, his cock still twitching out its release. Laying his head on her bare chest, he began to slow his breathing down, as she ran her hand over his head.

"I was back there. Seeing you laying on the floor…" he started to explain.

"Hey… Ssshhhh. It's okay," she assured him, "I needed a good fucking anyway."


	9. Chapter 9

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Jax asked Tara as his newborn daughter Sammie cuddled up comfortably into his cradled arms. He had just feed and changed her.

"Yes, I am," she stated for the hundredth time. "Nate has been wanting to ride for a while. Your dad and the guys have put him off every time, telling him he isn't old enough yet," she smiled and walked towards them, "But now that you're here," she took Sam into her arms, "It can be a bonding experience."

"And you're okay with me carrying Grace?" he asked again.

"I've ridden with you for nearly 8 years and you've never once dumped me," she reminded. He smiled softly at her and leaned down and kissed her then Sam's head, his large hand brushing gently over her soft hair. She cooed and gurgled happily at her daddy.

"Besides Opie will keep you in line," Tara joked.

"Oh hearty-har-har," he mocked, "Your very funny woman."

"I know right?" she chuckled

"Hey Pop!" Nate opened the front door and boomed through the house. The sound of Harley's warming up rumbled in the back ground, "You ready yet?"

A shy smile drew across Jax's face, and he shook his head slightly in disbelief, "That's still amazing to me….."

Smiling in agreement, "I know," she looked down the hall to the kitchen, were they heard Nate rustling around.

"DADDY!" Grace squealed as she came running out of her room and launched herself into the air and into Jax's waiting arms. He had become accustomed to his daughters enthusiasm and had learned to be prepared for her. "Can we go now? Please please please?!" she practically vibrated in his arms.

"My kids are kinda badass, babe," Jax smiled. He was talking about the clothing they wore. Nate had on a leather vest, riding boots and gloves, with a bandana wrapped around his head. Grace wore her boots and a pink leather jacket. Even little Sam wore a pink Harley onesie.

Tara smiled genuinely. It had been so long since he saw that beautiful joyful smile that his heart swelled. He looked at her admiringly, tilting his head to the side. He made her feel loved and cherished with that look. She looked at him, "Jax…. What?"

He smiled, his eyes twinkling with unshed tears, "I love you, babe. Simple as that. I didn't tell you or show you enough before, but that's gonna change here," he dipped down and kissed her gently, "okay?"

Wiping the tears that had fallen, "Okay," she whispered. Her cheeks had turned pink from his declaration, as they always had when he was this open and honest with her.

"DADDY!" Grace squealed again, only this time it wasn't in excitement. "You made mommy cry!" she chastised him.

"I know princess, I didn't mean to."

"Sometimes adults cry because of something sweet or nice that someone says or does. Daddy just said something very sweet baby. He didn't hurt me," she laid her hand on the side of Jax's face.

Grace studied her mommy with identical hazel green eyes, then looked at her daddy, "I don't like it when mommy cries."

"I don't either, princess. I'll make sure no one makes mommy cry anymore, okay?" Jax promised her.

"We ready to roll brother?" Opie asked as he popped his head in the door.

"Yeah man," Jax answered. "See ya later, babe," he bent down kissing Tara, "Love you."

"Bye mommy!" Grace squealed at her running out the door.

"Bye ma," Nate rumbled.

Tara bounced Sam as she made her way to the door and watched as her family mounted their Harley's. She smiled loving watching Jax go over the controls on the handle bars with Nate again. And kept smiling as he instructed Grace to keep her arms wrapped tightly around him, or at least her hands dug into his shirt or belt loops.

Just as Nate, Jax and Opie were pulling out of the driveway, Frank and Grace Knowles were walking up the driveway to the house.

"Can't believe your letting my granddaughter ride on the back of that thing," Frank grumbled.

"Oh hush now, Frank," Grace smacked his chest with the back of her hand.

"Dad…." Tara sighed out, as Grace took and cradled Sam in her arms.

"Well I didn't like you riding it either," he pointed out.

"I don't know Jackson that well yet, but from what I've seen and heard, he will do anything for his family," Grace said, "Isn't that right beautiful girl?" she cooed to her granddaughter. "I've never known or even heard of someone literally killing their mother and then himself to keep his children safe.

AN: Sorry this isn't the longest most thought update but here it is lol


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